your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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