I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
