Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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