I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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