Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
