We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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