Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
