i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
