remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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