is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
