if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
