I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
