I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
