do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
