u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
