I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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