I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
