i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
