peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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