Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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