I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
