I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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