I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
