the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
