well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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