so explain again why im purple
no
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize