the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
