The beer is more important than you right now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
