I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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