chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
