Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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