Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
