DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
