I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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