You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's always time for handjobs
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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