I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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