And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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