I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
