it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
