Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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