Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This is classic penis vs brain.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
