I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
