3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
