Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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