I just pynch a tree in the face
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
