i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
