Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
