Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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