I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
