you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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