At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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