My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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